a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
