So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
