i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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