Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
