Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
