Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
