the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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