this beer tastes like vomit already
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
