We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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