just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
