From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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