her vagine was all disorganized.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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