I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
