she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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