Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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