I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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