I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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