Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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