I puked a lego.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
