I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize