So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
