If i come over, it means nothing
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
