Tell her she can't have a vagina
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
