How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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