Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
