last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
