I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish i was in the wii world.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
