It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
