i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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