you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
