I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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