Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize
