Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
