am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
where does the pee come out of this thing
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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