Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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