I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I would ride that face into the sunset
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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