ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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