If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
