one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
