somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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