Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
