I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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