If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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