Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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