he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
