and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
