I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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