I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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