just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
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NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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