There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
