please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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