whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
