Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Farmville is her only friend.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
