I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she woke up with a sticky ear
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
