I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
