wanna go halves on a baby?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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