she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
