I think I just saw someone hide a body.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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