Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
