I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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