Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
