oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
