you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
