you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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