i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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