non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
