dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
