you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
