She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
