bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I smell stomach acid.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
this will be a night to untag.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
