is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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