I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He has the fingertips of a God
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