Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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