is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Barsexuality is the new black.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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