I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
