Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
