waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
