:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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