I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
