I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
