How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
