one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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