So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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