Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
