i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
